Mr Elric and the WalMart Incident
by Crooked Arrow
Summary: Full Metal Alchemist characters working at WalMart, and getting into all kinds of trouble! Rated T for language and to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Elric's Wal-Mart Incident

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Disclaimer: I in no way own Wal-Mart, or Full Metal Alchemist. Seriously.

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Mr. Elric hated Wal-Mart. He hated it with a passion. They forced him to dress up in this god forsaken blue apron, and pretend to be happy, even when the idiotic hillbillies insulted his shortness. This day was unlike any other, even for Wal-Mart's worst employee.

"EDWARD ELRIC, PLEASE COME TO THE MANAGERS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!"

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He somehow managed to run into every display on his way to the manager's office, making him curse and scare away even more customers. 'Oh, well. What else is new?' he asked himself. That's right nothing. He always scared the customers away.

Twitching, he slowly opened the office door. Then IT came.

"MR. ELRIC, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? I HAVE A REPORT OF YOU CUSSING OUT THE AUTOMATIC DOOR! WILL YOU **_PLEASE_** GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS!"

"Well, umm…" Edward started, "I have an explanation for that, I think." Except he didn't. He was just trying to use the automatic door like a normal person, and then it shut halfway just as he was walking through the door, and then damned thing wouldn't open. It wasn't completely his fault, was it?

"AND WHAT ABOUT YOU SCREAMING AT THE SOUP CANS?"

"Um, ma'am it's just that…well…the cans wouldn't stay on the shelves, and they pissed me off, so…" Ed trailed off.

"AND SCREAMING AT A CUSTOMER!"

"Come on! All I told him was that he was stupid. It isn't that hard to figure out where the front of the store is!" Ed said defensively. Uh-oh, it could see it coming.

"THAT'S IT MR. ELRIC! YOU HAVE BEEN DEPROMTED TO CART BOY! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!"

"O-o-okay m-ma'am," Ed said quickly and scurried out, praying to God that she wouldn't come back for another piece of the ed-pie.

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**It isn't very good yet, but I'm working on my writing. Tell me you love it anyway! Oh and constructive criticism would be appreciated. Lots.Andy**  



	2. Mr Mustang!

**Mr. Mustang, Please Don't Blow Up the Pharmacy!**

_By: Andy Made for: Aeris009 and Lauren-loves-Ryuichi_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist in any way, except in my dreams. Neither do I own or want to own Wal-Mart._

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Roy stared with pure hatred at the rows and rows of medicines. It was all their fault. Why did he choose to work at the local smiley-obsessed Wal-Mart? Wait, it was because he needed the money and Ed had recommended it. Now he knows why Ed had that look on his face.

Just the other day he was pointlessly called into the manager's office just so she could gloat as she told him he was under investigation for supposedly on purpose giving a cranky old bitch the wrong medicine. Roy didn't give her the satisfaction of seeing horror or despair on his face. No, he laughed.

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'The old lady so deserved it! She shouldn't have called me good for nothing! And in a nice voice! Aren't old ladies supposed to be sweet!' Roy silently raged inside his head. 'The fucking idiots can't even figure out that this isn't the first time I've switched pills on people!'

An idea suddenly popped into his head. He started to laugh.

"That will teach them never to call me useless!"

He stopped when he noticed the looks. Oh well, they would never give him that look again in a few moments.

Mr. Mustang slowly straightened up, adjusted his uniform, walked out of the pharmacy, and pulled on his gloves.

Smirking, Roy Mustang snapped his fingers.

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_Hi! Again! I finally got this story up! Which I guess is more a drabble. Still! Please Review! And to use a much used phrase, FEED THE AUTHOR.---Andy_


	3. Mr Hughes, Shut Up!

Mr. Hughes, Shut Up!

By: Andy

For: Awesome Reviewers

Disclaimer: If you've read chapters one and two, you know what it is

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"See how cute she is! Don't you just want to eat my lovely daughter up! Doesn't she look just like her mother!"

The manager, walking by, groaned. '_Not again!'_

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Maes Hughes couldn't believe it. The manager moved him from cashier to working in the back all by himself.

"What did I do? Now I can't show the world my beautiful daughter!" he said to no one in particular.

"I might have talked about my daughter a little too much, but no way that's enough to put me back here all by my lonesome! She's too pretty to hide away!"

Walking back and forth, Hughes took a picture of his daughter out of his back pocket. He started to huggle it, "Ahh…She's so beautiful!"

"She's so cute and pretty and has a nice smile and kind and would you just guess that she's only three! She's so mature…"

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The manager walked in to the back room to check on Mr. Hughes, wondering how he was handling being alone. Hopefully he would learn his lesson.

"Whoa!"

Hughes was lying on the ground unconscious, his mouth moving was if he were still trying to talk. The manager walked over to him and saw a picture of his daughter clutched to his chest.

Maybe he hadn't learned his lesson after all.

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_**Thanks a ton for the reviews! I really appreciate the support! I'm getting better at writing and my chapters/drabbles are getting longer! YAY!----Andy**_


	4. Don't Use That Door!

Don't Use That Door!

**Written By: **Andy-Chan!

**Warnings:** Umm...not really any, besides that this chapter is a little strange.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, except in my mind. (It's written on my straight jacket.) And I don't own WalMart. Why would I want to?

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The swish of an automatic door broke the silence. All was quiet. The customer walking into the building. Then came the unexpected. 

"Welcome to Wal-Mart!"

He was picked up from behind and crushed in an iron grip. He was short on oxygen. The thing let go of him just in time. He was free! Free! 'Never again.' the customer vowed. 'Never again shall I use that door.'

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The manager rubbed her forehead. 'Why can't the big lug just understand!' 

"Mr. Armstrong, you can't just run around shirtless." He looked at her.

"Why not? My muscles are a gift that has been passed-"

"I know! Fine! Don't wear a shift, but please at least wear a uniform!"

He smiled. "Yes ma'am!" He replied, and started moving into hug her. The manager backed away, slowly.

"Now, about the suffocation thing..."

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_**Yes it is a little strange. Or at least I was told. So sorry for taking so long to update. I have a nice long one coming up. Soon. Really, really soon. -----Andy-Chan!**_


	5. GUN!

**GUN!**

**Written By:** Andy-Chan!

**Warnings: **Tampons and a Mary Sue!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Wal-Mart, FMA, Converse, H.I.M., or Lee Company.

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"Okay. Explain to me again, _slowly_, what you're wanting." A woman with blonde hair, which was currently in a bun, massaged her temples.

"WellMs.Hawkeye,IjustboughtthispairofpantsandInoticedasmalltearintheknees,likerighthereandIwantedtoknowifIcouldgetmymoneybackandkeepthejeans?" A brunette teenager asked. Sadly this was the slowest yet she had talked. All in one breath too.

"No you can't get you money back and keep the jeans. Isn't the hole supposed to be there anyway?"

"Wellmaybe,buttheydon'tfitverywellanyway,butareyousureIcantgetmymoneybackandkeepthem?"

"Yes, I'm sure. If they don't fit why do you want them?"

"Nevermind!" She stalked off.

"Thank God!" Riza mumbled. Next a heavy man, wearing a grey sweatshirt and pants, walked up to the counter, looking very embarrassed.

"Umm, I have a b-box of t-t-tampons. I was wondering if I could return them?"

'ARGH!' "Sir, could you first tell me what the problem was? It's a new requirement."

"My wife said they were too b-b-big. So, can I-I just return them?"

Riza shook her head to rid it of the cobwebs. "Sure, set them right here." She handed the man his money. Hey set the tampons down and walked off quickly.

'Okay, ten more minutes.' Ms. Hawkeye started to clean her work station up, when she felt a pair of eyes watching her. She turned around. A little boy was staring at her. "What do you need?"

"..."

"Can I get you anything?"

"..."

"Did you lose your mom or dad?"

"..."

"Will you please say something! Anything!"

"..."

"I can't take this!" She grabbed her gun, jumped on the counter, yelled "Take this!" and proceeded to fill the little boy full of lead. She then ran out of the store laughing maniacally, failing to notice the little boy did not bleed. A girl with blue hair, wearing a H.I.M. hoodie, black extra-high Converses, and dark Lee jeans walked by. "Oh! There's my ninjutsu dummy!"

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_**Kinda strange again, but I like it! Please review! I would love to hear input!----Andy-Chan! **_


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